Guide
Core Values Discovery Guide
Surface what truly matters to you, narrow it to a top five, and build a life that reflects it — with a values explorer, alignment audit, and decision filter.
Your values are your internal compass. When life falls apart, they help you find your way home.
Core values are the deeply held beliefs that guide your decisions, relationships, priorities, and behavior. They answer questions like What matters most to me? What kind of person do I want to be? What principles will I refuse to compromise?
When your life aligns with your values, you experience greater peace, confidence, and purpose. When it doesn't, you often feel resentment, confusion, or emptiness — even if everything looks successful from the outside.
Why Divorce Often Changes Our Values
Major life events force us to re-evaluate what truly matters. You may discover that some values were inherited from your family, some were shaped by your marriage, some were abandoned to avoid conflict, and some were never consciously chosen at all. This is the moment to intentionally choose the values that will guide your next chapter.
Start With an Honest Assessment
Rate how important each of these is to you right now, from 1 (not important) to 10 (essential): family, integrity, faith/spirituality, freedom, health, financial security, adventure, service, learning, creativity, community, friendship, leadership, honesty, loyalty, discipline, compassion, justice, peace, personal growth.
Then notice: Which three surprised you? Which three felt strongest?
The Values Explorer
From the fuller list below, mark every value that resonates with you — don't filter yet.
Achievement · Adventure · Authenticity · Balance · Bravery · Calm · Commitment · Community · Compassion · Connection · Contribution · Courage · Creativity · Curiosity · Discipline · Education · Empathy · Excellence · Faith · Family · Forgiveness · Freedom · Friendship · Generosity · Gratitude · Growth · Health · Honesty · Humility · Independence · Integrity · Justice · Kindness · Knowledge · Leadership · Learning · Love · Loyalty · Patience · Peace · Perseverance · Purpose · Respect · Responsibility · Security · Self-Respect · Service · Simplicity · Stability · Stewardship · Trust · Wisdom
Discovering Your Top Ten
From the values you marked, choose the ten that are most essential. For each one, answer: Why is this important to me? Where did I learn it? How do I currently live it? Where am I falling short?
Narrowing to Your Top Five
Now challenge yourself to choose only five values you would never want to lose — and for each, why it matters. Then ask: If someone observed my daily life, would they recognize these as my top values? Why or why not?
Identifying Your Non-Negotiables
Values become powerful when they guide your boundaries. Complete the sentence "I will never compromise…" — honesty, respect, physical safety, emotional safety, fidelity, kindness, integrity, whatever is true for you. Then reflect: What happened in my past that taught me these boundaries matter?
A Values Alignment Audit
For each life area, ask honestly: Am I living according to my values? What needs to change?
- Health
- Career
- Parenting
- Friendships
- Romantic relationships
- Finances
- Spiritual life
- Personal growth
Creating Your Personal Code
Complete each statement:
- I choose to live with…
- I refuse to become…
- People can count on me because…
- The legacy I want to leave is…
- The kind of parent, partner, friend, or leader I strive to be is…
Living Your Values Daily
For each of your top five values, decide: Today I can honor this value by… This week I will… Values aren't words on a page — they become visible in the choices you make when no one is watching.
Three Exercises to Go Deeper
The Legacy Test. Imagine a milestone celebration late in your life. What would you hope people say about your character, integrity, parenting, friendships, leadership, kindness, and resilience? Compare those hopes to your top five values — what themes do you notice?
The Eulogy Exercise. This isn't about death; it's about clarity. Finish the sentence "The most important thing people will remember about me is…" — then ask whether you're living that way today, and if not, what needs to change.
The Decision Filter. When you face a hard choice, ask: Does this align with my top five values? Would my future self be proud of this? Am I acting from fear or from principle? Does this protect or compromise my non-negotiables? Would I encourage someone I love to make this same decision? Several "no" answers are a signal to pause before acting.
Recommended Reading
- The Road Less Traveled — M. Scott Peck
- Man's Search for Meaning — Viktor E. Frankl
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — Stephen R. Covey
- The Happiness Trap — Dr. Russ Harris (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
- Dare to Lead — Brené Brown
- Atomic Habits — James Clear (for turning values into daily actions)
Worth exploring further: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), personal mission statements, character strengths (the VIA Institute), values-based decision making, ikigai, and legacy planning.
A Closing Reflection
I choose to build my life on principles rather than circumstances. My values will guide my choices when emotions are strong, and shape my relationships, my work, my parenting, and my future. I will not abandon what matters most to gain temporary comfort or approval. When my life and my values move in the same direction, I begin to experience the kind of peace that doesn't depend on my circumstances.